Suri Cruise “was born” on April 18, 2006 and yet not a single human soul has witnessed the precious little one (even the intrusive tabloids have not got a shot for us) in person. Imagine when in Africa we will get to see her were it not for the internet. So, what happened? It’s not like her father is publicity shy (remember the Oprah stunt). In his usual recognizable state, he would already tap the baby to film a commercial on Entertainment Tonight . We would see the girl’s face splattered on the cover every magazine from People to Baby Maxim. So, has Tom Cruise actually turned sane or are there are reasons behind this uncomfortably private turn of events? Here are SR’s five completely unofficial theories on mysterious whereabouts of the baby Scientologists most care about.
The baby is NOT in this world. It’s never too early to advance couple of levels in Scientology karma ranking. EVERYBODY wants to be like the masters such as John Travolta.
In a creepy world of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman contracts are the king. That means the former couple could only steal each other’s thunder one publicity stunt at the time. So after the blissful Aussie marriage to Keith Urban in Sydney, Nicole gets a three week paparazzi attention span period, while Katie Holmes hides the baby in the basement of Cruise’s California mansion.
Maybe Suri wasn’t pretty enough. There is a lot of pressure you know.
The secret worldwide casting is going on that would make Willy Wonka’s golden ticket prize pale in comparison. Every top baby model agent in the world is on it.
Isn’t it creepy that Brooke Sheilds, Cruise’s arch nemesis gave birth to her child on the very same day? Maybe she gave birth to TWO daughters, while quietly shipping one of the girls to the Cruise residence. The whole feud was naturally staged and Brooke is actually burning Prozac in her fireplace as we speak, while counting millions of shillings with wide smiles.
Suri might just be spending time with Steven Spielberg and his Dakota Fanning Academy for child acting. Tom Cruise still hasn’t won an Oscar (after all those mi's), but Suri will hold the statue by the tender age of four if we get to see her soon.